So, I'm in Orissa right now.

I am exhausted from traveling for days, so I will write down some experiences/highlights in list format :)

•Left Raleigh on June 15th, landed in London June 16th. Had two panic attacks on the plane... I am horrified of airplanes. I did not get any sleep that night and ripped an airplane pillow in my panic attack (sorry, American Airlines :-/). I have special medication for planes... But they failed to function. When we landed in London, I was too exhausted to enjoy/experience anything and promptly fell asleep at a table. (Sorry, airport restaurant) 

•Left London on June 16th, landed in Chennai June 17th. I took an Ambien and slept almost the entire ride. It was great! I needed the rest.

•From Chennai we flew to Vizag. It was an hour and a half long, played on my game boy color for some sweet sweet nostalgia and was ok.

•We were greeted in Vizag by Gloria (one of the staff in Orissa--and a totally goofy, fun girl) and her dad and then took a bus to the beach in Vizag. I didn't enjoy the beach... I was reminded of NC's beaches and I immediately felt homesick and sad. A lot of missionaries have described a "honeymoon phase" in the beginning of their missions, but I have sadly not had that phase. I immediately missed my best friend, Rebekah, and my heart has been breaking in a million pieces in the thought if not being with her. I know that may sound dumb to you, but she is the David to my Jonathan. She is a "friend that sticks closer than a brother" and I miss her. A ton.

•Also, I rode a horse in Vizag. It was a touristy thing that lasted about 5 minutes, but it was good because I have a totally irrational fear of horses--you'd think living in upstate NY and my grandpa's farm would have lessened my fear of horses but...nope. Still terrified of horses.

•From Vizag we took a train to Orissa. Despite what you may have heard, I enjoyed the train ride. I love trains. T was a sleeper train, so my "seat", #24, was a 3x6 pad above another person. Very crowded, very tight, only a curtain seperating me from everyone else and the train vendors trying to sell sweets...but despite the slight smell and the crowded-ness, it it was the highlight of my day since it was the first time I was alone in days. I kind of sat (kind of, it's kinda...I dunno, coffin-sized in there, but with an ever-so convineint light bulb) and just talked to God. It was really great, and I slept some more.

•We arrived in Orissa to see the children all lined up, holding flowers for us. It melted my heart and I went up and talked to all of the little girls. It was beautiful. I ha ear of big Indian welcomes, but this was probably the best one to have ever existed.

•We had a big, amazing dinner with the family and then went to bed.

•In my bed last night, I could not shut off my mind. I was in fear, very worried and anxious. To be honest, I don't have any reason to be in India other than God making it a VERY obvious "Brooke! Go to India". My mind flooded with questions. Why am I here? What am I doing? What will I do tomorrow? Will I go back to my job in America? Will I stay here? Will I be called to stay here forever and never see the ones I love? Will I ever get married? Will I die alone?

It was stupid and foolish to say these things in my mind...so I talked to God, quietly, as to not disturb the other three lovely girls in my room. I turned on my iPod and immediately played "Crowns" by Phinehas... the truth literally being screamed in my ears, it drowned out the toxic thoughts with what is true and the reason I am here: the nations will hear a new song. I listened to it a couple of times and then fell asleep.

•Today...wow. Today. School has been canceled until next week due to the heat. I hear it got up to 117F this week! It is a very humid heat as well, not unlike the feeling of sitting in a hot car. 

 Since school was canceled, us four girls went to the school kids and helped them with their homework. I read their literature to them (Oscar Wilde, so that made bookworm me very happy) and then goofed off and played drums and guitar with the kids, laughed and played.

•Hollah Hollah, I took a showah. 

•I am so aware of my selfishness. My life is not about me, not about my happiness. I am not here to be a hero or to save the world but I am here to serve, not be served. I am not here to be spoiled. I did not come here expecting to be spoiled or to be some sort of hero, I am only stating the obvious...but when I gave my life to Christ, my life ceased to be my own. I need to remind myself of that.

That's about it for now. Love you guys.