I suppose I should write this down

Hey guys. So, I'm not gonna be a nurse.

Let me explain.

I've decided to not go into nursing.
Starting Fall of 2015, I will be an NCSU Hindi student. It will be quite intense and I fully intend on spending as much time as possible becoming absolutely fluent and eloquent in Hindi and then possibly learning Urdu (Pakistan's official language) as well.

I kept working it into my mind that I'd be "useless" on the field if I caws not a nurse, and that was idiotic. God can use me in ways that HE wants, its not about what I want. Duh.

It sounds weird and makes no rational sense to me at some points, but I know I am not supposed to live in India right now. I don't know why I am not supposed to be in India right now, but I am quite certain that God wants me to stay in America for some time, for whatever reason. I can't quite explain it. 

I don't know when I'll be going back to India. My heart feels unspeakable pain to even think about my Indian Family so far away and I so far away from them, and so far from my lovely, beautiful sister Alexis as well. I'm very confused with where God is leading me, but I know I must follow. I know I have preached that to myself over and over in my blog, but here I am again.

I'm not sure what the end result of a Hindi degree and/or certificate will be. I don't think I need to know the reason. I just need to follow. 

So, yeah. I'll be here. In North Carolina. Learning an Indian language for several years. Confusing, but yeah. That's the next step. It makes no rational human sense, but I feel quite strongly that God is providing this as the first step to…well, whatever destination He has. 

And it's gonna be rad and also okay. 

So, yeah.

Not the Valentine's Day Post!

It seems that all my friends have babies, are getting married, getting engaged or in a relationship and I am totally ok and happy about that. I'm not sad about being "alone" at all. Alone doesn't exist for me, I have Jesus, a suitcase and coffee, I can do anything. I'd love to be married one day, but travel is such a beautiful romance and I really, really love being single for that reason. I just really enjoy being "untethered", I guess. I'd love to find someone else that'd enjoy floating about aimlessly like an untied balloon with me or whatever, but I don't think that will happen anytime soon and I'm totally okay with that... and happy. 

The world keeps saying over and over that I need sex to be happy. From the Christian side, it's the never ending assumption that I'll disregard my passions, fall in love and settle down with a man's dreams, not mine. No man wants to follow a woman's calling, do they? Why not? 

I don't understand why the Christian community is so concerned about marriage and assume that I am sad that I am unmarried. We, as Christians, need to QUIT acting as if singleness was the unforgivable sin. Paul was single. Heck, Jesus Himself was single. 

Here's my main point. I'm not sad or depressed or angry. I'm not angry or depressed about being single, but I wouldn't mind not being single. You get it? I can be single and happy and still want something. It is possible to want something and not be angsty, mad, jealous or passive-aggressive before I have it.  I don't need to be jealous over my friends and I'm not. 

I don't need a passive-aggressive attitude towards Valentine's day. Why? My friends are happy and that makes me happy. 

For example, someone, somewhere, could be eating a really, really delicious snack. Right now. Someone could be eating a great snack right now. Without me. Without my permission. Just, like, totally enjoying a snack right now. And not me. And you know what? I'm not mad about that. I don't need to be. It'd be ridiculous.

It's okay to enjoy being single but not want to remain single forever. It's a pretty basic concept. It's okay to be happy to not eat a really great snack but still maybe want a snack later. 

Anyways, Happy Valentine's Day to all of you, whatever path you are on right now.