Today is the day I was supposed to be home.

August 12th, 2014. Today is the day I was supposed to be home. God had other plans. Plans that I am still trying to accept and realize that they are for His glory, regardless of my opinion of His perfect plan.

Today, I am in bed. I am sick again. I have not been vocal on my blog about the reality that I have gotten sick here and needed to see a doctor 4 times. I am not sure why this keeps happening, but God is good. It is still hard, though...not only physically but emotionally as well. Being sick has given me a lot of time to think, although...often overthink. God has revealed a lot in my life while I have been sick, so it has been worth it.

Over the past few weeks of going in and out of health, God has made it incredibly obvious that I should be going to college to learn Hindi. Crazy and as specific as that is, I have been praying that God would reveal what I need to do after this trip. When I first got here, I had no idea why God brought me to live in India for what I thought would only be two months. Now, God told me to stay longer....until Thanksgiving. Now, He is telling me that India isn't over for me yet. He wants me to learn the language...Not only know how to speak it, but to read and write it as well. 

First things first: I have avoided college like the plague. I have never liked the idea of college. I have had a very nice, full-time graphics design job back home that I started working at when I was 17 years old. I had it all figured out, I was "great" without an education, a free spirit (which really just means "untethered annoyance to others") that was so independent at such a young age. Heck, there was even a guy I wanted to marry. I had a lot of pride in my life... But God so graciously took everything away. (I have described this in fuller detail in my post "The Beauty in Being Alone")

God is making this more and more obvious that this is what He wants. When I get home, I need to start thinking about what colleges to apply to. I am not sure what I will do in between the time I am waiting for either a spring or a fall semester to start, but God knows what He's doing, so I'll just follow.

One of my stupid worries is that, because I am 21 and may be 22 when I start college, that I'll be this old person among 17 and 18 year olds. It's a stupid worry, but it is a ever-so-present worry. 

I am not sure where I am going with this post...What do I write next...Blah. Thoughts. Blahhh.

I am hoping that I can go to college and then the summers can be spent serving the amazing kids here at New Life Orissa. 

I wish you guys knew it takes about two to three hours to write a blog post...sometimes even 2 days...I really want to keep you guys connected even though it's hard on me. I miss you all so terribly. 

I don't know what else to write, so I may as well post this. I love you guys. Pray for the next three months that I will be here! I need my prayer warriors fighting for me. I love you guys.

Excerpts from my journal

I am better at journaling than I am at blogging, so I might as well write down what is in my journal! I have had this journal since June, so, I will pull out some random writings for you all. Enjoy :)

---------------------------------------

My main journal ( I say "main" because there are...um...I don't know how many journals I have in my possession.). It is pretty beat up...I take it everywhere with me.

I have the worst handwriting in the world, but this is on the first page of my main journal. Isaiah 55:5

It took, like...five minutes to make my handwriting look this good. My host mom says that my handwriting is so bad, I could be an amazing doctor. Hahahahahaha

This is something God personally told me on a train while I was here. "Stop looking at the world and saying, "how can I make the world a better place?" Instead, look at the people around you and see their great need for Me."

Some doodles. I love the last one because the train essentially helped me draw it, hahaha. I have been experimenting with drawing in a very sketchy-abstract style. I drew the same face many times until it looked like this:

 
I am still not happy with how it looks, so I am just going to draw it for possibly the gazillionth time. I gave this version of the drawing to the awesome Tara who is staying with us until the 18th!

A drawing by Milly!

 A drawing by Khusi! He is amazing at art, he hides the fact that he is amazing at, um, everything. I think it embarrasses him. I don't think he realizes how talented he is. Such a sweet little guy.

This drawing is by Glory. Hahaha. She did this one in my journal during church :)

---------------------------------------

That is enough for now, I will put more written journal excerpts in for a second post. Love you guys!