Encouragement as we face the next four years

I wrote this post after the election and sent it to a few friends to encourage them and felt it needed to be shared to encourage more disheartened American Christians after the election of our new president.

_____

I hope this story encourages you today.

Luke 2:1-8

2 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while[a]Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.

4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David.5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

Now, I am not going to be using this as a Christmas story. Is part of the "Christmas Story", yes, but that is not what we'll be meditating on today.

Let's look at verse 1. "In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world." let's look at Cesar's title. He didn't go with "King". Too typical, not enough glory. Not "dictator", too temporary.

He had the name "August" which, in the greek form means to be regarded with great respect, venerated with reverence. he elevated himself like a God.

From Wikipedia :

"The reign of Augustus initiated an era of relative peace known as the Pax Romana (The Roman Peace). The Roman world was largely free from large-scale conflict for more than two centuries, despite continuous wars of imperial expansion on the Empire's frontiers and one year-long civil war over the imperial succession. Augustus dramatically enlarged the Empire, annexing Egypt, Dalmatia, Pannonia, Noricum, and Raetia; expanding possessions in Africa; expanding into Germania; and completing the conquest of Hispania."

Pax Romana:

"Pax Romana (Latin for "Roman peace") was the long period of relative peacefulness and minimal expansion by the Roman militaryforce experienced by the Roman Empire after the end of the Final War of the Roman Republic and before the beginning of the Crisis of the Third Century. Since it was established by Augustus, it is sometimes called Pax Augusta. Its span was approximately 206 years (27 BC to 180 AD) according to Encyclopedia Britannica.^[1]"

^{And finally, look at the Crisis of the Third Century:}

"The Crisis of the Third Century, also known as Military Anarchy or the Imperial Crisis, (AD 235–284) was a period in which the Roman Empire nearly collapsed under the combined pressures of invasion, civil war, plague, and economic depression. The Crisis began with the assassination of Emperor Severus Alexander by his own troops in 235, initiating a fifty-year period in which there were at least twenty-six claimants to the title of Emperor, mostly prominent Roman army generals, who assumed imperial power over all or part of the Empire. Twenty-six men were officially accepted by the Roman Senate as emperor during this period, and thus became legitimate emperors."

^{This information spans several hundred years of of corrupt government, oppression and war. Why am I sharing this information with you?}

^{Micah 5:2} 

But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah,

    though you are small among the clans[a] of Judah,

out of you will come for me

    one who will be ruler over Israel,

whose origins are from of old,

    from ancient times.”

That verse prophesied the birth of the Messiah from Bethlehem 700 years before Christ's birth. This is a ridiculously detailed prophecy, unlike the tales we hear from fortune tellers or horoscopes with their vague and misdirected misinformation. Like I said, this is ridiculously detailed. it's quite the claim. 

Now remember. The Roman government under Augustus forced people to render themselves to a census, to leave their homes and travel back to their towns to register under a corrupt politician.

Do you see this? God Himself, the creator, used a corrupt politician to His own glory. This corrupt politician was never bigger, greater, more powerful than the Messiah, the Redeemer. Even this corrupt man in power over the current UNIVERSE at that time was not within the means to prevent the most beautiful, most good person from entering the world--Jesus Christ. 

Whatever the man in office, whatever he may do, he is not greater than my God. My God can easily change horrific evil to good without the man in office even being aware of it. 

Our God is bigger and more powerful than any man who could ever take office. 

He always has been bigger than politicians and He always will be, and I hope that brings you joy.

This post is everywhere but it's ok

Before you read this update...know that I spent two days on this post and it is still bad. Hahaha. Enjoy :-)

__________

As many of you know, when I returned to America after life in India, I was very depressed and very confused as to what I was supposed to do with my life. I didn't have a solid reason to live in America or India. I foolishly tried find the fastest way to get away from the consumerism, materialism, and selfishness of America. I tried to find the fastest route to India without having a solid reason why and not even going before the Lord about what country to live in!

I thought the fastest way to guarantee a life back at the hostel would be to become a nurse, therefore insuring that had a solid purpose for living in India full time.

But God had other plans. The Lord had led me to study Hindi and Urdu at North Carolina State University. Since the nurse thing didn't work out, I assumed that was the next route back to India.

That was not the Lord's plan either.

So, spring of 2015, I applied and was accepted to be a Hindi-Urdu student. That spring I also met Jacob, who is now my fiancé.

By learning two very similar but very different languages for just one semester and not having enough personal funds to continue, I left school feeling very confused and very hurt that I had no solid reason for leaving India or leaving school other than money and time ....and that is just where the Lord put me.

Before beginning Hindi and Urdu classes, I met my fiancé, and, likewise, his family who works with refugees. I am now marrying into this family and my purpose in America is slowly becoming more and more clear.

 I am now teaching art to refugees with my future mother-in-law and all of the time I spent in India and time taking Hindi and Urdu are slowly making sense. Since returning from India, things are starting to click for once!

This is a huge thing for my heart to realize, that, despite my want to return to India, God had me meeting my fiancé and likewise, working with his family to love on refugees in America.

Funny enough, my time spent learning Hindi and Urdu was not wasted and neither was my life overseas.

The experiences I had in India prepared me for who I am supposed to be today...and... Urdu has very similar words and the same writing style as Farsi/Parsi/Persian, which my Afghani students speak. Not only do I have the experience of living overseas but I can even say a few things to my students in their language!

I know this post is everywhere...I really didn't know how to update this blog after a year of not posting!

I'm just very excited and very happy with where I am and things kindof....click, I guess you could say! I am excited about life and excited to be marrying my best friend. Life is really cool right now.


Soooo yup. God is good. Life is cool and makes sense for once. Nice 

I suppose I should write this down

Hey guys. So, I'm not gonna be a nurse.

Let me explain.

I've decided to not go into nursing.
Starting Fall of 2015, I will be an NCSU Hindi student. It will be quite intense and I fully intend on spending as much time as possible becoming absolutely fluent and eloquent in Hindi and then possibly learning Urdu (Pakistan's official language) as well.

I kept working it into my mind that I'd be "useless" on the field if I caws not a nurse, and that was idiotic. God can use me in ways that HE wants, its not about what I want. Duh.

It sounds weird and makes no rational sense to me at some points, but I know I am not supposed to live in India right now. I don't know why I am not supposed to be in India right now, but I am quite certain that God wants me to stay in America for some time, for whatever reason. I can't quite explain it. 

I don't know when I'll be going back to India. My heart feels unspeakable pain to even think about my Indian Family so far away and I so far away from them, and so far from my lovely, beautiful sister Alexis as well. I'm very confused with where God is leading me, but I know I must follow. I know I have preached that to myself over and over in my blog, but here I am again.

I'm not sure what the end result of a Hindi degree and/or certificate will be. I don't think I need to know the reason. I just need to follow. 

So, yeah. I'll be here. In North Carolina. Learning an Indian language for several years. Confusing, but yeah. That's the next step. It makes no rational human sense, but I feel quite strongly that God is providing this as the first step to…well, whatever destination He has. 

And it's gonna be rad and also okay. 

So, yeah.

Not the Valentine's Day Post!

It seems that all my friends have babies, are getting married, getting engaged or in a relationship and I am totally ok and happy about that. I'm not sad about being "alone" at all. Alone doesn't exist for me, I have Jesus, a suitcase and coffee, I can do anything. I'd love to be married one day, but travel is such a beautiful romance and I really, really love being single for that reason. I just really enjoy being "untethered", I guess. I'd love to find someone else that'd enjoy floating about aimlessly like an untied balloon with me or whatever, but I don't think that will happen anytime soon and I'm totally okay with that... and happy. 

The world keeps saying over and over that I need sex to be happy. From the Christian side, it's the never ending assumption that I'll disregard my passions, fall in love and settle down with a man's dreams, not mine. No man wants to follow a woman's calling, do they? Why not? 

I don't understand why the Christian community is so concerned about marriage and assume that I am sad that I am unmarried. We, as Christians, need to QUIT acting as if singleness was the unforgivable sin. Paul was single. Heck, Jesus Himself was single. 

Here's my main point. I'm not sad or depressed or angry. I'm not angry or depressed about being single, but I wouldn't mind not being single. You get it? I can be single and happy and still want something. It is possible to want something and not be angsty, mad, jealous or passive-aggressive before I have it.  I don't need to be jealous over my friends and I'm not. 

I don't need a passive-aggressive attitude towards Valentine's day. Why? My friends are happy and that makes me happy. 

For example, someone, somewhere, could be eating a really, really delicious snack. Right now. Someone could be eating a great snack right now. Without me. Without my permission. Just, like, totally enjoying a snack right now. And not me. And you know what? I'm not mad about that. I don't need to be. It'd be ridiculous.

It's okay to enjoy being single but not want to remain single forever. It's a pretty basic concept. It's okay to be happy to not eat a really great snack but still maybe want a snack later. 

Anyways, Happy Valentine's Day to all of you, whatever path you are on right now.

So, I'm in America right now.

As I am writing this, I have been in America for four days!

God has been so gracious, the culture shock was very gradual-- Kesinga to Vizag, Chennai to London, New York to North Carolina. It was a very gradual immersion and it was very gentle. In fact, I enjoyed coming back! I missed a lot of things about America...Pizza, freedom, shorts, good coffee, public libraries, cheese, loud American laughter, being a single woman and still feeling confident. Heck, the women walk with confidence and self-respect here. America is fantastic. This is my first home. My country. Cheese. So much cheese. I haven't had cheese in half a year. Cheese. God bless America.

The culture shock was not as bad as I had imagined, and the worst of the culture shock was getting used to the fact that everything in America is built for tall Americans--in South Asia, everything is built for people much, much shorter than me! My body had to even adjust to the height of the steps leading to my room! 

I was assuming that I'd become very very sad when I got home-- but the truth is, I am excited and very happy. I happy to see my family and friends and visit everyone and I am so excited for the future. It's really so hard to be sad when there is so much to look forward to! Yes, I am sad that I am away from my Indian family, but I am so excited to work hard, learn Hindi, study for nursing school and then, one day, see my Indian family again!

I am excited and happy. I am so happy to be here. America is great and I missed it allot. 

Now. If you'll excuse me, I am going to simultaneously drink some dark coffee, play a game boy, watch netflix and laugh obnoxiously loud with my family.  

Love you guys!

As soon as you read this, please pray

I know you all know how I feel about the hospitals here- "malpractice" isn't a word here; if it was, there'd be no doctors. In fact, to put that into perspective, let me remind you that just last month, 25 infants died in a Malda hospital of malnutrition because nurses just didn't show up for work (http://www.newindianexpress.com/nation/Infant-Deaths-up-to-25-in-Malda-Hospital-in-West-Bengal/2014/10/28/article2497317.ece). 

I wish I could say these things in a more polite manner, but I can't. I'm infuriated with what has happened in the last two days and every moment I am in a hospital here I am convinced ever the more that I will study in med school as hard as mentally possible so that my cubs can have even the least bit compassion and care in their favor. 

Let me get to the point. 

Yesterday, we took Sanjay to the hospital.

...I will allow myself to be graphic in my descriptions because I want you to know what is truly going on here, heaven forbid me to sugar coat anything that is truly happening here. (2 Corinthians 2:4-- For I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love I have for you...)

Sanjay was throwing up many times, throwing up blood, even his urine was black with blood. His left side, by his kidneys, was hard and stiff. His kidneys were shutting down. We are assuming, even now when I write this, that his heart is experiencing failure.

We took him to the hospital and waited, forever, for a doctor to just DO something. 

No doctor came. 

The doctor, the same doctor that showed no compassion or love to Brundaban (see previous posts) when he had a gaping head wound, sat nonchalantly behind a desk, doing nothing. I became infuriated. This was an emergency. Sanjay's internal organs were shutting down. Instead of doing what I wanted to do (punch him in the throat), I calmly went in and said in broken Hindi to "hurry up please, he has thrown up blood many times" and he, unphased, told me to go away.

I left. I went in again, asking again, calmly, please hurry. This is serious. He's throwing up blood. I got ignored again.

I got table-flipping mad. I stormed out. I loudly cracked my knuckles and neck and went back in, this time, loudly speaking my horrible broken Hindi-- JAILDE CHALO. Quickly do. He is throwing up blood. His urine is black. Hurry up. NOW. 

The doctor then said "he's throwing up blood?" And I said YES. Take him in. NOW.

I kept going, like the persistent widow...at the time I did not know if it was holy or not to show so much anger, but as of now, I realize that it needed to be done, I continued the day as the persistent widow, praying through what was holy anger and what was not. It was very difficult to discern.

We continued on to another doctor who did not know what he was doing, when presented with the urine sample he made us go to the blood testing area. After waiting for blood testing they said no, go to the urine testing. You need a special paper for urine testing...and the ticket office for the special paper was closed. Everyone in the ticket office was eating or taking naps. I can't make this stuff up.

I thought that, if I were persistent enough, the lab would just have to take the sample without a ticket. So, I went to the urine lab.

At the urine lab, I was greeted by the sight of several dozens of sick people waiting for their urine to be tested. I realized I did not have the special golden ticket for urine testing, so, instead, I parted through all of the people and said "sir, please take this. It is an emergency. The ticket office is closed and this is an emergency. Please test this." To which the lab tech said, "what is this black liquid?" I replied, "this is bloody urine, sir." "Oh..." "Please test this. Now." "Okay, come back in one hour"

That felt a little too easy.

After waiting an hour an a half, I went back up to the desk. I noticed that the whole hospital was shutting down for the day. Oh heck nah. No one was behind the desk. 

So I just kinda ran into the urine lab without permission.

I then started yelling in horribly broken Hindi to hurry it up, you said it'd be an hour. Hurry it up. Sanjay's organs are failing. The hospital is shutting down. What is this stupidity, ye kya bewakoofe hai?!

That seemed enough for the lab to give the report, which I think was already finished half an hour before I stormed in, momma lion, snarling and mad. We then quickly admitted him, got him to an IV, finally got him in a bed (before this, he was laying on Alexis' lap, horribly in pain)

Alexis is such a good "mom"... She held onto Sanjay, who was moaning in pain, softly stroked his hair, prayed over him, made sure he was safe and as comfortable as possible and had water as momma lion went to go snarl at the bad guys.

Through all of this I did my best to inform Catherine, beautiful, selfless Catherine, of her supportee and brother Sanjay's health. Cat had lived here in Kesinga for a while and had become very close to Sanjay and I know Sanjay looks up to her. I told him many times that Cat is praying for him. Cat is praying, your big sister is praying. Hold on. That made him smile a lot.

I have no idea where to end this, as I write this, Sanjay is on a 9-hour train ride to a better hospital, throwing up often and unable to drink water... I don't know what to say. I don't know how to make this blog post sound nice. I can't make it some poetic post and I will be honest, my heart hurts. 

Here's the truth: Our God is alive. Our God is strong. Take heart--He's overcome this world. He's defeated death. By His wounds we are healed. 

Here's what I desperately need for you all to do right now: Pray. Pray to our God, our God who is so alive. Pray. Go before the throne on behalf of Sanjay. As soon as you read this, please fall on your knees. 

I love you all. Please keep praying.

The Return of the Lion | Follow Me

I haven't cried this hard in a very, very long time.

My heart is broken and my soul is torn. My body feels weak and my stomach feels faint.

I don't know how to write to you all, who I love and miss so dearly. I don't know how to accurately describe the emotions and spiritual suffering I am experiencing now and I am certain I will feel much longer.

I never know where to begin when I write to all of you beautiful people, I wish I could only be with you all, share coffee with you all [for I am certain I will have hundreds of coffee dates with you beautiful North Carolinians this winter, please drink irrationally stupid amounts of caffeine with me], cry in your presence, share my stories but also just to be with you. You are all so beautiful and your support and intercessions are what have brought me here, and for that, I praise the Lord and thank Him for you. I have no way to fully express my gratitude.

I leave India in two weeks. Last night, as the (beautiful, amazing) short term team left, several children and even some of the high school age boys were weeping, scared I was leaving that night as well. I had to reaffirm that, no, I am leaving in two weeks; you are not getting rid of me just yet. Mommy Brooke is still here. She will be gone, but she will not be gone for too long. Please don't grow up too much, my 71 children.

I started this morning with breakfast in Uncle James' 15x15 house, eating his birthday cake with him, his wife and his beautiful baby daughters, laughing and listening to little Sneha chatter away about how she did not get enough frosting, “why did mom not give me the big frosting flower, that's the best part?” and Glory repeating nursery rhymes.

I said nothing about last night and how I cried when the children came to me, sad and worried, but James, knowing me much too well, said with a smile, “It is going to be okay. We are Christians and that means that we will always be together. We are family, you are our family, and we will before the throne of God together, praising Him. I know we will not be apart for too long.”

I went back to my house and poured myself some coffee, my mind became a whirlwind of thoughts. The thoughts included a plethora of worries and fears, such as

How can I leave my two new girls (names not given for privacy) who have recently become close to me after their mother abused them to the point that their youngest sister died from the beatings? The youngest of these two girls has turned to tobacco and self-harm to self medicate and almost self-punish herself...she is such a beautiful child, I don't want her to hurt herself. She is so in need of a mother who loves her.

How can I leave my students, who are so silly, creative and incredibly intelligent? What if my one student truly has Autism, which I would not doubt in the least, and other teachers just don't understand him? He is so smart and capable, he just has a hard time connecting. Will any other teacher understand when he cannot look them in the eyes because he just cannot connect well?

How can I leave my Humshakals (a playful nickname I have for two boys here, Rabi and Bikash, who I regard as my brothers, I love them very much), who can always make me laugh and have the happiest smiles in the world?

How can I leave Hosanna and Khushi, who are my little sister and brother now, who I can talk with about anything, laugh and play guitar with and goof off with and talk about life with and who I love?

How can I leave Sarathi, my beautiful little sister Sarathi, her quiet, gentle spirit and warm smile?

How can I leave Sarita, I am her Rasgula and she is my Gulab Jamun, she is my sister and I want to be there for her.

How can I leave the littlest girls, who call me their mommy? They lie in my lap and fall asleep, holding my hands, saying, “I have no mommy, you are my mommy now”

Names and faces flood my mind, and as it floods, I feel as if I am drowning... and I have to realize, I must go home. I see the goals God has laid out for me and I can be more of a blessing when I finish my degree than if I stayed.

It seems so logical, so sensible, so rational to stay. But I know I need to go home, for I will become so much more of a blessing to my beautiful Indian family if I have a medical degree. I know this is what I need to do. God has made it obvious, so painfully obvious, and I cannot tell Him no.

In the book, “Prince Caspian” by C.S. Lewis, there is a chapter called “The Return of the Lion”. Back story to what happens in this chapter is that Lucy sees Aslan, tells the others, and the others do not see him, and, despite Lucy's insisting that they follow, she gives up and follows the others instead.

This causes the entire group to go in the completely wrong direction, and, as the book describes it, it is “Heart-breaking work—all uphill again, back over the ground they had already traveled.”

If we fast-forward a bit into the chapter, we see that the entire group finds a place to sleep and Lucy hears someone calling her name. It is Aslan. She runs up to him and embraces him. I will put an excerpt below:

“Lucy,” he said, “we must not lie here for long. You have work in hand, and much time has been lost to-day.”

“Yes, wasn't it a shame?” said Lucy. “I saw you all right. They wouldn't believe me. They're all so----”

From somewhere deep inside Aslan's body there came the faintest suggestion of a growl.

“I'm sorry,” said Lucy, who understood some of his moods. “I didn't mean to start slanging the others. But it wasn't my fault anyway, was it?”

The Lion looked straight into her eyes.

“Oh, Aslan,” said Lucy. “You don't mean it was? How could I—I couldn't have left the others and come up to you alone, how could I? Don't look at me like that... Oh well, I suppose I could. Yes, and it wouldn't have been alone, not if I was with you. But what would have been the good?”

Aslan said nothing.

“You mean,” said Lucy rather faintly, “that it would have turned out all right—Somehow? But how? Please, Aslan! Am I not to know?”

“To know what would have happened, child?” said Aslan. “No. Nobody is ever told that.”

“Oh dear,” said Lucy.

“But anyone can find out what will happen,” said Aslan. “If you go back to the others now, and wake them up; and tell them you have seen me again; and that you must all get up at once and follow me—what will happen? There is only one way of finding out.”

I don't understand. I don't. I don't know what would have happened if I stayed...but there is one thing I know for sure: I must follow him. I must follow wherever he calls me, even if that is hard, others do not understand, it doesn't seem rational or logical or sensible and the only thing I know is he is calling my name and I cannot ignore it.

2 Corinthians 5:6-9 says

"So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him."

The words for "home" and "away", in the original Greek text, are "endemeo" and "ekdemeo". 

The word "endemeo" means "to be among one's own people, dwell in one's own country, stay at home"

The word "ekdemeo" means "to go abroad; emigrate, depart; to be or live abroad; to abode with whom is promised us"

Whether I am at home or away, here or there, in the body or with the Lord, I know of one thing for sure: I must follow. I must please Him. I must go--wherever He wants.

I love you all. Mu tumako primo corre [Oriya for "I love you"]